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Giving excuses for my silence has become so regular that I stop reasoning for it..

When I look back at my life I see there has been so much of changes in me.. got some, lost many.. There are so many allowances I had made, so many compromises too and yet, what you want ultimately is always fuzzy.It is very hard to root out laziness from me that it has become the most prominant part of my character. Whenever I take up something, the acceptance to drag it on until something grabs my neck, also becomes part of it. Part of my self has become so wild and ruthless that I find it very difficult to understand and control. Am I leading someone else's life?